Sometimes you watch something and you say “you know? I can relate much”. I know series and movies are made-up things but they can be very rational.
Few days ago I finished #13ReasonsWhy , the series talks about a girl (Hannah Baker) who committed suicide. Before she died, Hannah released 13 tapes on 13 reasons why she killed herself. The story could be dramatic for some people. I mean some people think her suicide etiologies can be put to absolute discussion and make it pathetic or even relate it to attention, but it’s not what I’m talking about here.
What I can relate to my life in this series is the bullying; the only one reason that can lead someone to end his/her life. I’ve been bullied so much at school and highschool. Classmates used to make fun of my moustache, which i was afraid to shave because of my dad. They kept making fun of it for a whole year, on daily basis. I used to wish I could disappear, or not to be the center of attention? Couldn’t they stop noticing my presence? Sometimes i used to cry in the school’s restrooms, you know it’s maybe the safest place where you can let your tears free without someone noticing, because “crying is not for men”, “crying is for pussies”!
There’s a character in the series called Bryce. Bryce is this highschool boy, who participates in sports activity, who has a gang, who wants to”fu**” every girl in school and pretend that they everyone wants to hang out with him. There was someone like bryce in my school, he used to accuse me of being gay and a pussy because you know, you’re still virgin, in a heteronormative context. I had to stand this for 3 years. Those 3 years was hell to me. I wished i could suffocate him. This memory came back to me while watching the series, I felt those cramps in my hands and legs, Iwished i can suffocate this character, it sounds very dramatic i know, but i hated him.
They once took a photo of my intergluteal cleft and shared it to all the class.
Anyway, bullying is very bad. It can stay there, in your mind, for the rest of your life. It can drive you crazy. It can make you feel shitty and invaluable. It’s not about attention, but people keep dehumanizing those who commit suicide because of bullying, as if they are drama people and they want attention. It’s not like that no;It kills you slowly. You wish you can disappear.